Now I'm not digging out people that work for tesco in general here but today I met someone that annoyed me beyond belief.
I decided (as I'm a super kind son) to take my dear mother shopping at aforementioned supermarket, I needed a few bits myself too and found myself in the dairy section. I was picking up some yoghurts for Katie and I happened to notice that they were out of date. Now being the nice man I am I figured I'd point this out to a member of staff so they could withdraw them from the chillers. Next time I simply won't bother.....
For the benefit of the following dialogue I shall refer to said staff member as dragon faced bitch.
Me: Excuse me these yoghurts are out of date and still on sale.
Dragon faced bitch: No they're not it says the 28th which is tomorrow.
Me: errrrr... no it definitely says the 26th, which was yesterday.
Dragon faced bitch: It clearly says the 28th, you're wrong!
I immediately began to see the issue as she varied the distance of reading from the packaging touching her nose to at a full arms length, she was blinder than a mole with cataracts and a double eye patch.
Me: Look it is out of date, I just wanted to point it out to you so that it could be dealt with.
Dragon faced bitch: No no no it's the 28th.
At this point a colleague of dragon faced bitch came sauntering over like lady muck and informed the silly blind bint that it did indeed say the 26th, then I was asked the following.....
Dragon faced bitch: Are there any more out of date packets??
Me: How would I know????????
Dragon faced bitch: Oh, I'll go and look then.
Not a thank you, not even a smile..... Tongue in cheek I gave it a loud "you're bloody welcome" as I wandered off down the cheese section. But the silly cow didn't go and check the yoghurts she just pissed off to carry out more important tasks whilst bumping into walls, shopping trolley's and anything else her blind arse couldn't see. I swear at one point she bent down to pat a shopping basket thinking it was a puppy.
I told you this blog wasn't entirely down to exercise, it's more a social commentary with a little fitness detail bunged in for good measure. I did another 50 sit-ups and push-ups today, I think I have a triple hernia and I think I need the weekend to recover.....
Have a great weekend all,
Much love from,
Big Dave :)
Friday 27 May 2011
Thursday 26 May 2011
Bloody English weather!
Good afternoon,
I think I broke my thigh muscles!!!! I woke up at about 4:30am in a lot of pain, Both thighs felt bloody awful, Cramp galore and not a lot I could do about it.
After about 20 minutes the sporadic cramping came to a halt but left me in a lot of discomfort, Combining that with the fact that it was raining outside with strong gusting wind I decided it was far too damaging to my precious, flawless and silky smooth skin to go out on the bike.
So...... I bet people are thinking I just vegged out and did nothing at all, right? WRONG! I decided that to continue my self abuse known to many as exercise I'd do sit-ups, push ups and some walking. Well the walking was fairly straightforward, a couple of miles in and around town, not a lot to report apart from getting really pissed off by a woman in a red audi pulling into a mother and baby space and getting out without a baby.
Me: Excuse me love you've forgotten your kid, you've left it in the car.
woman: I don't have a child in the car....
Me: Well can you get out of the bastard space then please you inconsiderate twat!
woman: errrr, well, meeting... late.....
I'll give the tramp late for a meeting if I ever see her do it again let me tell you! It'll be hard to walk to the office with your legs bending in the wrong direction. I was visualising in my head running (waddling) towards her and flying kicking her into next century, but to be honest I can't jump very high and if my foot made it above waist height I'd probably get stuck in that position forever.
I got home and decided to do some sit-ups, I figured 25 in a set and 2 sets during the day to start.... Let me tell you this, doing those 25 was harder than childbirth, sorry women you can piss and whinge about it all you like but until you reach 22 stone and try 25 consecutive sit-ups you cannot Begin to imagine the effort and pain involved. I have decided that to make it easier I am going to hook my feet under have Katie sit on the chair with a fishing rod baited with some chocolate to get my fat carcass off of the living room floor! (Video to follow)
So yeah, all in all a pretty odd day, on the plus side I should be able to get back out on the bike tomorrow and smash Wednesday's time, well that's the plan at least....
Have a good evening,
Big love from Big Dave :)
I think I broke my thigh muscles!!!! I woke up at about 4:30am in a lot of pain, Both thighs felt bloody awful, Cramp galore and not a lot I could do about it.
After about 20 minutes the sporadic cramping came to a halt but left me in a lot of discomfort, Combining that with the fact that it was raining outside with strong gusting wind I decided it was far too damaging to my precious, flawless and silky smooth skin to go out on the bike.
So...... I bet people are thinking I just vegged out and did nothing at all, right? WRONG! I decided that to continue my self abuse known to many as exercise I'd do sit-ups, push ups and some walking. Well the walking was fairly straightforward, a couple of miles in and around town, not a lot to report apart from getting really pissed off by a woman in a red audi pulling into a mother and baby space and getting out without a baby.
Me: Excuse me love you've forgotten your kid, you've left it in the car.
woman: I don't have a child in the car....
Me: Well can you get out of the bastard space then please you inconsiderate twat!
woman: errrr, well, meeting... late.....
I'll give the tramp late for a meeting if I ever see her do it again let me tell you! It'll be hard to walk to the office with your legs bending in the wrong direction. I was visualising in my head running (waddling) towards her and flying kicking her into next century, but to be honest I can't jump very high and if my foot made it above waist height I'd probably get stuck in that position forever.
I got home and decided to do some sit-ups, I figured 25 in a set and 2 sets during the day to start.... Let me tell you this, doing those 25 was harder than childbirth, sorry women you can piss and whinge about it all you like but until you reach 22 stone and try 25 consecutive sit-ups you cannot Begin to imagine the effort and pain involved. I have decided that to make it easier I am going to hook my feet under have Katie sit on the chair with a fishing rod baited with some chocolate to get my fat carcass off of the living room floor! (Video to follow)
So yeah, all in all a pretty odd day, on the plus side I should be able to get back out on the bike tomorrow and smash Wednesday's time, well that's the plan at least....
Have a good evening,
Big love from Big Dave :)
Wednesday 25 May 2011
No pain no gain!
Day 2:
I woke up at around 8am, I was hungry, hungrier than I have been for a while so I had breakfast before I'd even properly opened my eyes. Healthy breakfasts suck, I mean really REALLY suck! A nice bowl of cereal I thought, Organic semi-skimmed milk and no sugar on it :(
As I poured the cereal out of its packet I started to become increasingly concerned about its ingredients. It strongly reminded me of the sawdust and rabbit crap I used to scrape out of my pets hutch weekly, and to be honest it didn't smell a great deal better!
Still I threw it down my neck in double quick time, as if I hadn't it was highly likely I'd have cannibalistic thoughts throughout the day and apparently this practice is frowned upon in some countries. Although I could happily see me chewing on Cheryl Cole's thigh if I was really pushed.
By now I was beginning to realise that my legs were stiff and my arse felt like I'd been paid a visit by 'Big Bubba' from cell 29c. I was walking like a cowboy that had been on a cattle drive and in the saddle for 18 hours straight. But still, no pain no gain as they say, and I was actually looking forward to the fresh air provided by my cycle rides. I took a cold shower which alleviated the pain in my thighs (no serious pain, I am just a big wuss) and got dressed in my sexy lbls (Little black lycra shorts).
I took the same route today as I did yesterday fully expecting to be a little slower as my body slowly adjusted to the strain of actual physical exercise. The ride started off briskly and as it was a fairly hot day I slowed up a little to avoid doing myself an injury. I nicked Katie's ipod today, loaded it up with a few albums that keep me entertained and it gave me something to focus on instead of thinking how stupid a 312 pound man looks balanced on a bike.
Upon returning home I was quite surprised to see that my results weren't as bad as I had feared they'd be. Average speed and top speed were down as was the distance travelled although I took pretty much the same route.
I've had thousands of requests from my adoring female fans for a picture of me in my lycra shorts, not being someone to let people down.........
The days results.
Distance: 4.64 miles
Time: 24:53
Average speed: 11.15mph
Top speed: 22.19mph
Tomorrow if I feel up to it I might attempt an extra mile, but more than likely will do a week of this lap to see how much time I can shave off of the original ride.
Thanks for reading,
Speak soon.
Dave :)
I woke up at around 8am, I was hungry, hungrier than I have been for a while so I had breakfast before I'd even properly opened my eyes. Healthy breakfasts suck, I mean really REALLY suck! A nice bowl of cereal I thought, Organic semi-skimmed milk and no sugar on it :(
As I poured the cereal out of its packet I started to become increasingly concerned about its ingredients. It strongly reminded me of the sawdust and rabbit crap I used to scrape out of my pets hutch weekly, and to be honest it didn't smell a great deal better!
Still I threw it down my neck in double quick time, as if I hadn't it was highly likely I'd have cannibalistic thoughts throughout the day and apparently this practice is frowned upon in some countries. Although I could happily see me chewing on Cheryl Cole's thigh if I was really pushed.
By now I was beginning to realise that my legs were stiff and my arse felt like I'd been paid a visit by 'Big Bubba' from cell 29c. I was walking like a cowboy that had been on a cattle drive and in the saddle for 18 hours straight. But still, no pain no gain as they say, and I was actually looking forward to the fresh air provided by my cycle rides. I took a cold shower which alleviated the pain in my thighs (no serious pain, I am just a big wuss) and got dressed in my sexy lbls (Little black lycra shorts).
I took the same route today as I did yesterday fully expecting to be a little slower as my body slowly adjusted to the strain of actual physical exercise. The ride started off briskly and as it was a fairly hot day I slowed up a little to avoid doing myself an injury. I nicked Katie's ipod today, loaded it up with a few albums that keep me entertained and it gave me something to focus on instead of thinking how stupid a 312 pound man looks balanced on a bike.
Upon returning home I was quite surprised to see that my results weren't as bad as I had feared they'd be. Average speed and top speed were down as was the distance travelled although I took pretty much the same route.
I've had thousands of requests from my adoring female fans for a picture of me in my lycra shorts, not being someone to let people down.........
The days results.
Distance: 4.64 miles
Time: 24:53
Average speed: 11.15mph
Top speed: 22.19mph
Tomorrow if I feel up to it I might attempt an extra mile, but more than likely will do a week of this lap to see how much time I can shave off of the original ride.
Thanks for reading,
Speak soon.
Dave :)
Tuesday 24 May 2011
Looking good in lycra!
Hi,
As I said in post 1, my first day of proper exercise and healthier eating was today. I couldn't go out on my first ride immediately as I had to wait in for my new saddle, It's a memory foam one, although I kind of feel sorry for it, having to remember my sweaty arse is something even I struggle to comprehend! I also read that a good pair of cycling shorts (Lycra of course) were essential to avoid painful rubbing of non vital but incredibly useful parts of the anatomy. I donned the beautiful black lycra XXXL shorts, I can now see why professional cyclists go so fast, they can't wait to get these bloody shorts off and back into some proper clothes!!!
The wife waved me off with a look that can only be described as half "He's never going to make it" and half "Jesus wept he's wearing lycra!!" this only made me more certain I was going to succeed.
Cranking hard on the downhill section I decided to see what my top speed would be and I clocked a very average 26.39 mph. In hindsight I probably shouldn't have really gone for it so early as my legs are not used to too much effort and I was to regret it nearer the end. The wind was incredibly gusty today and made for a hard first attempt, but baring in mind I haven't ridden a bike in 9 years and am about as unfit as you can be I managed to complete the ride with the following stats.
Distance: 4.69 miles
Time: 25:03
Average speed: 11.25mph
Top speed: 26.39mph
Now I know that may not seem too impressive but imagine having to carry 312 pounds on a pushbike, I actually think it was a good first effort.
Returning home I collapsed through the front door like an ancient Roman messenger that had run from Dover to London to deliver a message, Sweating, breathless and thinking about never doing it again, but 5 minutes later I was fine. So much so I am considering another go this evening.
Thanks for reading, Speak soon :)
As I said in post 1, my first day of proper exercise and healthier eating was today. I couldn't go out on my first ride immediately as I had to wait in for my new saddle, It's a memory foam one, although I kind of feel sorry for it, having to remember my sweaty arse is something even I struggle to comprehend! I also read that a good pair of cycling shorts (Lycra of course) were essential to avoid painful rubbing of non vital but incredibly useful parts of the anatomy. I donned the beautiful black lycra XXXL shorts, I can now see why professional cyclists go so fast, they can't wait to get these bloody shorts off and back into some proper clothes!!!
The wife waved me off with a look that can only be described as half "He's never going to make it" and half "Jesus wept he's wearing lycra!!" this only made me more certain I was going to succeed.
Cranking hard on the downhill section I decided to see what my top speed would be and I clocked a very average 26.39 mph. In hindsight I probably shouldn't have really gone for it so early as my legs are not used to too much effort and I was to regret it nearer the end. The wind was incredibly gusty today and made for a hard first attempt, but baring in mind I haven't ridden a bike in 9 years and am about as unfit as you can be I managed to complete the ride with the following stats.
Distance: 4.69 miles
Time: 25:03
Average speed: 11.25mph
Top speed: 26.39mph
Now I know that may not seem too impressive but imagine having to carry 312 pounds on a pushbike, I actually think it was a good first effort.
Returning home I collapsed through the front door like an ancient Roman messenger that had run from Dover to London to deliver a message, Sweating, breathless and thinking about never doing it again, but 5 minutes later I was fine. So much so I am considering another go this evening.
Thanks for reading, Speak soon :)
An Introduction.
Hi,
Let's get the introductions out of the way. My name is David Powell, I'm married to my beautiful wife Kelly and we have 2 amazing Children, Katie 6 and Charlie 22 weeks. We live in Ely, Cambridgeshire and have done for around 7 years now.
OK, now the intro is out of the way let's move on to the reason for my blog.
I AM FAT!!!
It's not something I aspired to be or am proud of it's my own doing. I stand at 6' 4" tall and weigh in at a ridiculous 22 stones 4 pounds (312lb's or 141.5Kg's) It doesn't directly impact my way of life, I still go fishing regularly, can walk into town without any issues and play football with my daughter at the park. I do have issues which are not helped by my weight including type 2 diabetes and an irregular heartbeat. Here's a picture of me at close to my heaviest point. Before anyone points out that I make the elephant on the right look skinny I have beaten you to it!
Nothing irks me more than overweight people stating it's not their fault, well I've got news for you.... No one is forcing that doughnut or big mac down your throat, the choice is yours and yours alone. So no blaming society, McDonalds or some undiagnosable illness or a freaky genetic issue.Well it's been pictures such as this that have helped me decide it's time to take action. Although that said I know some people have medications that cause major weight gain.
I have purchased a bike, a really nice one... It's a Claud Butler Urban 200 Hybrid bike. I kitted it out with an extra large drinks bottle that I promise not to fill with beer or milkshakes and a trip computer to monitor my average speed, journey time, top speed and other bits and pieces.
this blog will not be a boring day to day account of how many miles more than you I can or cannot do, or how much faster I am than you, or even whether my diet is better than yours. I aim to make people smile whilst charting my own progress, and I'm counting on people that follow this blog to keep pushing me when my fat arse is struggling to drag itself out of the house.
I am starting today, and next up you'll see how I fared.......
Let's get the introductions out of the way. My name is David Powell, I'm married to my beautiful wife Kelly and we have 2 amazing Children, Katie 6 and Charlie 22 weeks. We live in Ely, Cambridgeshire and have done for around 7 years now.
OK, now the intro is out of the way let's move on to the reason for my blog.
I AM FAT!!!
It's not something I aspired to be or am proud of it's my own doing. I stand at 6' 4" tall and weigh in at a ridiculous 22 stones 4 pounds (312lb's or 141.5Kg's) It doesn't directly impact my way of life, I still go fishing regularly, can walk into town without any issues and play football with my daughter at the park. I do have issues which are not helped by my weight including type 2 diabetes and an irregular heartbeat. Here's a picture of me at close to my heaviest point. Before anyone points out that I make the elephant on the right look skinny I have beaten you to it!
Nothing irks me more than overweight people stating it's not their fault, well I've got news for you.... No one is forcing that doughnut or big mac down your throat, the choice is yours and yours alone. So no blaming society, McDonalds or some undiagnosable illness or a freaky genetic issue.Well it's been pictures such as this that have helped me decide it's time to take action. Although that said I know some people have medications that cause major weight gain.
I have purchased a bike, a really nice one... It's a Claud Butler Urban 200 Hybrid bike. I kitted it out with an extra large drinks bottle that I promise not to fill with beer or milkshakes and a trip computer to monitor my average speed, journey time, top speed and other bits and pieces.
this blog will not be a boring day to day account of how many miles more than you I can or cannot do, or how much faster I am than you, or even whether my diet is better than yours. I aim to make people smile whilst charting my own progress, and I'm counting on people that follow this blog to keep pushing me when my fat arse is struggling to drag itself out of the house.
I am starting today, and next up you'll see how I fared.......
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