NEXT = ARSEHOLES

Next – A shop for stick insects.

Right, here we go again! Kelly and I have been fighting a long running battle with our daughter Katie. She is very much a Tomboy in the way she dresses, it’s mainly our fault, we gave her far too much free choice when she was far too young to take that decision.

Recently we have taken steps to slowly introduce more feminine clothes to her wardrobe, we’d never turn her into a pink, flower adorned dress wearing weirdo unless she chose to make that step, but we are buying her pastel coloured clothes, in a less boyish fashion.

After looking around we filled up a couple of online shopping baskets with various clothes and had them delivered today, Katie is 8 years old, 4’ 2” tall and weighs in at a very trim 5 stone (Bang in the middle of her BMI rating) I have seen more meat on a KFC chicken wing than my daughter, yet given our previous experiences with clothing for kids we decided to order 11 year old sizes.

We unwrapped the clothes, got Katie to try them on and surprise surprise they didn’t fit! But wait! I am sure you’re thinking “Dave, you bought clothes that are 3 years too big for her of course they won’t fit!” Well herein lies the problem........ They are ALL too small! So small in fact that some of them she couldn’t even try on, whereas others are so tight they look like they have been sprayed on by Banksy.

Why the fuck are NEXT doing this with sizes, are they trying to pre-program parents into making their children a size zero as early as possible so they all wander around like a skeleton that eats tissue paper and drinks only the amount of raindrops they can catch in a thimble in 30 seconds?

It appears next are having most of their clothes made in Bangladesh now, I can only imagine that they take their sizes from the local population where the average 8 year old weighs 2 stone and hasn’t eaten properly in months. Do they really think that it sets a good example for an 8 year old to think they are fat? Do they really think that a child should go through the indignity of clothes being too small, when they are ordered 3 sizes too fucking big?

I am truly appalled at the mentality of the fashion world, a shady movement that dresses people in clingfilm with an old Betamax video recorder on their head and call it fashion, an institution that encourages people to join an army of women that wouldn’t look out of place in a night of the living dead film as Skeletons A, B and C. Get fucked, really just fucking do one.

I would rather my child was slightly overweight than massively undernourished with vertebrae and ribs jutting out from taught skin, because I’m not sure if you’ve noticed this but every single day probably three or four times I see adverts asking for us to donate to third world countries because of children starving to death. And yet in the civilised western world we actively encourage people to look like this, how is that right? How is that decent? HOW IS THAT EVEN FUCKING MORAL?

I will now be boycotting NEXT, (Not that any of their clothes fit me, I’m a fat bastard) but I will never buy anything from them ever again, not for Kelly, not for Katie and not for Charlie. I know we are in a time of recession but is it really that bad that you need to make the clothes so much smaller to cut costs? I know that it’s a bind paying children in sweat shops 8p per hour to make the clothes too, maybe we can push on with human cloning and you can have an army of NEXT employees that never experience freedom, live in a bubble and never see the light of day. That way you’d never need to pay them and if they died of exhaustion you could just clone another one.