X Factor is back!

Some things in life just make you feel good about yourself, a basket full of kittens, a cute little golden Labrador puppy maybe even a midget amputee Eskimo hooker!

X Factor is one of those things that has me in two minds. On one hand I love it, basket case after basket case wandering onto the stage comparing themselves to Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey or Lionel Ritchie.... Only to barely sound like a small Filipino fisher boy that has been kicked in the throat by a donkey wearing roller skates. Wheezing, mumbling and moaning their way through 3 minutes of my life that I am unable to claim back.

For a TV show that has spawned such dross as Jedward, G-G-Gareth G-G-G-G-Gates (spit it out you giant blubbering vagina!) and Chico the tool. At this point I know people that are fortunate and privileged enough to know me will be asking themselves the all important question, "Why hasn't he mentioned Cher Lloyd?" Well the reason for this is simple, I think I may have misjudged her. She's young, hot headed and full of ambition, and I simply mistook it for being a trampy slut with a chip on her shoulder who has less talent than an Afghan brothel.Oh wait I was right first time.

Let's start at the top, the host of X Factor is a Mr Kermit O'Dreary. He's a boring, monotonous imbecile that wears polo necks from the 70's and has the charisma of a stale pringle.

Then you have the 4 judges......

Louis Walsh: What can I say, the man doesn't vote in favour of any acts unless they are either simple or Irish. If they are both he gets so excited I think he may on occasion accidentally set off the trouser sprinkler system. The poisonous, handbag carrying leprechaun rides around the venue on his unicorn protecting his pot of gold and generally making people despise him.

Kelly Rowland: Next.

Gary Barlow: What can you say about the man? He's an incredibly talented, not bad looking (according to my wife) guy. He's pretty much a northern version of me. He can play over 26,312 musical instruments at once and is a part of one of the most successful bands of all time.

Tulisa: Real name Tula Paulinea Contostavlos, meh.... I don't know if I like her or not. I think I probably would if I happened to be single, drunk and hard up on my luck. But what the ACTUAL FUCK is she doing on a talent show? I've scraped dog shit off of my shoe that's had more musical ability than this pleb. Did you know Tulisa turned down a quarter of a million pounds to pose naked in playboy...... What a selfish BITCH! I think she owes it to the general public to whip it all off and let us be the judge of whether she's up to nude modelling or not!

Then you have the masses of mongs that queue for 3 weeks just to make a fool of themselves on national television. If you can't sing DON'T FUCKING SING! I can't sing, I am so tone deaf I even type flat, so I leave it to the professionals like Mr Blobby and the Cheeky girls.

First up was some lad that got his bum out on stage, he revealed that he had a bunch of girls names tattooed on his arse cheeks, I didn't exactly catch why but I am sure they are thrilled to be so close to his shit chute.

But the guy that really pissed me off was George. Last year he auditioned as a part of a trio called 'triple trouble'. To say they were gutter shite would be too kind on them. As they got booed off the stage our George threw an epic paddy and threw his mic to the floor. What did it ever do to you ya knuckle dragging pond scum?

Well this year George was back, new look but the same poor attitude and simple vacant look in his eyes. He's got that look that makes you think he's had a terribly hard life, a life of being smacked in the face with a shovel, a tough love upbringing on the mean streets of Stratford-upon-avon. He's now sporting a whole bunch of tattoo's that appear to have been drawn onto him by a quadriplegic with a marker pen gaffer taped to their tongue. He was awful, tone deaf, out of time, irritatingly stupid. The judges called his performance to an abrupt end and the newly 'reformed' George didn't like it one bit. He called Tulisa something like a skanky bitch or something which is preposterous. Does he not know she's got a house?

Why do I watch this shit? Well mainly boredom, but also a morbid curiosity, it's like when you see a 50 stone woman in a nice bikini, you know you shouldn't look but there's just something in your mind that you can't stop.

Well that's about it for tonight, It's 11pm, I have a bit of photo editing to do before I go to bed.

Sleep well, thanks for reading and have a good night.

Dangerous Dave  x x x <-----these are for the women, I'm not a freak!-------<<<<<