Why are we rioting again?

Picture the scene,


Chav1: Oi, Cedric.... How much fackin' shit ya looted so fah blud?

Chav2: Fack me Cecil, so far I have stolen 4 Chicken breasts in BBQ sauce, a bottle of tomato ketchup.... I picked up the 510g squeezy plastic bottle so when I throw it I don't seriously injure anyone AND I got a fun size bag of mars bars.!

Chav1: Nice one, we really need to go and kick in the windows of Oxfam and the British heart foundation on the high street..... The filthy corporate fat cats are a major factor in the economical instability of our country!

Chav2: Let's fackin' do it, but Cecil...... Why are we even fackin' rioting?

This is pretty much how it'll be for 99% of these filthy, no good, uneducated gonks. They are jumping on the bandwagon without a clue what they are doing. Long lost is the initial reason of the ill feeling. The police shot dead a man that was allegedly a gun wielding, crack cocaine dealing gang member and the family rightly went to the police station for answers. They peacefully protested to ask for a senior police officer to come out and explain what the situation was.

What happened then was what happens every time somebody decides to make a statement, the scum floats to the surface. Now I'm not the biggest fan of the police, but I recognise their vital role in more often than not holding society reasonably steady and stable. The police were never going to be able to contain the trouble that was bound to escalate rapidly, and that's where the government must take the blame. Theresa May just popped up on the news telling us that this "Criminality" will be punished to the "full extent of the law".

What she actually meant was something entirely different. She was thinking how unfair it was that Cameron and his family had been allowed to go on holiday when she'd already put her name down on the whiteboard calendar! She knew it was all going to kick off and she'd booked herself 2 weeks in the Laxfield bed and breakfast in Clacton-on-sea. (I love Clacton, I don't however love that poxy B+B!)

It's OK now though because David Cameron has called an urgent meeting of C.O.B.R.A (Cabinet Office Briefing Room A) they Should have named it Cabinet's Useless Numpty Twats (Or C.U.N.T.S) they are a bunch of slow acting, dream world dwelling, tree hugging pacifist fucks. They happily go to war for oil or to finish off a job that couldn't be completed in the past because George Bush the first had the tactical Nous of an apple.

BREAKING NEWS: The government have confirmed that along with a shield made from the lid off of a Ben 'n' Jerry's ice cream tub (500ml, not the small one!) and a little blunt stick, the police will now be allowed to shout the following threatening terms.

Go home! (To be followed by please sir/madam)
Put that television down! (or at the very least make sure you register the warranty card)
Don't throw bricks at me! (It might bounce up and hit an innocent rioter)

and finally...

DIE YOU FILTHY, THIEVING, NO GOOD RIOTING FUCK, FEEL MY BATON SMASHING YOUR SKULL SO HARD YOUR BRAIN SEEPS OUT OF YOUR LITTLE TOE! (well I made this one up but we all have dreams)

These gutter crawling bastards are jeopardising innocent lives, I just watched a woman crying her eyes out because her apartment block has just been burned down, nearly with her in it.

The time has come for drastic measures, Send in the army, let them go wild... especially the ones that have just come back from the horrors of an Afghan tour where they have seen their friends blown up or shot dead. I'm sure our brave lads could do with a little bit of Chav smashing R+R.

Break out the dogs, Live ammunition and air strikes. It's time we shot a few of these bastards and left their bodies to rot in the street as a reminder that this country is not afraid to react when her hand is forced.

And for any of you lucky fuckers that managed to pick up a TV from Curry's in Peckham high street, I hope you remembered to pick up the remote control or you're going to have to run the gauntlet one more time. Oh and make sure you grab some batteries.

Thieving gypsy shits, get fucked the lot of you.

Much love,

Dave x x x