Cambridge become world's richest club!

Cambridge united confirm that they are now the world's richest club after dwarfing revenue streams from such clubs as Milan, Barcelona and even Manchester city. But how did they manage such an incredible feat whilst only securing their place in the third tier of English a few short weeks ago?

You could be forgiven for thinking that they'd sold their soul to some rich sugar daddy, to be used as a plaything for personal amusement and the massaging of an ego, but what you'd likely not expect is that ACCIDENTAL design and innovation was behind their rags to riches transformation.

In an exclusive, we at Ramblings of a fat buffoon spoke to a club executive about this remarkable situation.

"We're still in shock really, it's fantastic for the club and will really help our push for European trophies." She said. "We were brainstorming for the 2021/22 home kit and had a number of sketches ready to go. One of the work experience kids accidentally dropped a bag of manure on the table as they walked past and a plague of flies, we're talking biblical proportions here, descended on the table and congregated on our designs in huge numbers. What we saw shocked us, and to be honest we initially had no idea of the implications of what came next. The flies were everywhere, but the one place they refused to go near was our favourite design. They were that repelled by the pattern of the new shirt they went against their own biological directive."

This led to the club contacting a number of scientists who confirmed that flies would not even land on that shit.

Further tweaking and development of the design uncovered unlimited applications including Cambridge united branded bin bags, horse coats and food coverings, but it didn't stop there, millions of shirts were shipped to countries with mosquito transmitted viruses and cases of infection dropped 97.8% overnight, and it is believed that the remaining cases were down to motorcyclists accidentally swallowing the bugs on their travels.

The club source also confirmed that various 'top' players from the powerhouses of Europe had already been phoning the Newmarket road stadium in anticipation of a bumper payday.

Messi, De Bruyne and Lorenzo Insigne are among the favourites to pull on the ugliest kit ever invented.