The death of the English language!

Don't get me wrong, my English is FAR from perfect, in fact I have probably already made half a dozen grammatical errors. There is one thing in life that drives me mad (actually there are hundreds of things that drive me mad.... But let's leave that satanic arsehole Tesco's out of this blog)


The evil I am speaking of is something that has rapidly forced its way into our way of life and sadly shows no sign of departing, I am of course talking about txt spk!

Why is it that people feel the need to shorten words into some random bastardisation of its original self? It's not even lyk it is completely necessary really either, most mobile phones have autocomplete.

I use a voip software on my computer to talk to friends, it's free and very simple to use, but I noticed that even on that some people feel the need to abbreviate words when they are actually speaking to you in person.

When someone leaves the chat channel they often say BRB.... could you not just say be right back? or even I am desperate for a dump, if I don't go now you may hear noises that only my toilet should ever hear. I don't know if it is just convenience that makes people shorten their txt msgs or whether it is to disguise the fact that they are just very poor spellers, but I know one thing and that is the dire need for txt spk to FRO (Fuck right off)

The younger generations are losing all understanding of how vital a good vocabulary is and it's not going to get betr unless we make a stand against it m8s! Is it that much of a hardship to include 1 or 2 extra letters in your message? I suppose cost effectiveness could also be a reason but if you can't afford an extra 10p for a message then might I suggest you sell your phone and string 2 bean cans together for a free conversation with your loved ones.

A few of my most hated txt wrds r:

D or Da - The, it's a fucking three letter word, omg (oh my god) why on earth are you so fucking lazy?

Wen - When, again it takes more effort to remember the bastard abbreviation than to type the full pissing word!

Dat - That, lazy sod.

I know that it is vital to punt out a minimum of 40 text messages every 90 seconds so that you can get back to watching who's going to be unveiled as the feckless dad of the Chinese baby on Jeremy Kyle (the 5 'fathers' in the studio are made up of 3 black guys a white woman and a poodle) but just take a minute to save our English!

The Americans have already taken English, claimed it as their own and tinkered with it to make things less confusing for them :(

For some reason they feel the need to call Aluminium aluminum, and jewellery jewelry, that's half understandable though, but please call it the American language as we don't want to be lumped in with your spelling mistakes!

So yeah, Tesco's sucks, I went there again today and some fat bird and I mean REALLY fat nearly got her shit served when she tried to take the last £1 Cherry pie that I had earmarked for dessert after my Sunday dinner.

wel dats bout it 4 2nite, Im off 2 \_/ 22 pints of Stella yl -ing c@ hairs frm my shell suit.

Weirdly Shell suit comes out as the correct words, I suppose that's because my fashion sense is 20 years behind the times and txt spk was just a dribble in a chav's pants back then.


Have a good evening, if you agree with me and want the death of this abomination of the English language then please tell just say 4Q!

Big love,

Dave.

Peppa pig

Ladies and gentlemen I, David Powell have discovered the trigger behind every serial killer in history. It was a complex investigation, my research was endless but now the time has come to reveal the utterly evil infidel that has corrupted billions of minds.....



Yes it's true, peppa Pig is officially to blame for everything from children refusing to eat their vegetables right through to Iran's nuclear threat. If you think that this statement is a little far fetched I can bring you exclusive proof!



People think that Peppa and family are cute, innocent family friendly fun but slowly parents are beginning to wake up to the fact that things are not quite as it seems. Dig a little into the history books and you'll find that Peppa's yearbook gave her the dubious award of 'most likely to destroy planet earth with extremist views' and I for one am not at all surprised.

Recently there has been strange behaviour exhibited by children across the globe, such things as jumping in puddles, refusing to eat their vegetables AND wanting chocolate cake are cropping up with alarming frequency. Obviously far easier than looking closer to home it seems parents are blaming their shortcomings on a little animated pork chop in a dress so they can sleep easy at night knowing that their inept parenting skills on anyone but themselves.

Never mind the fact that children like jumping in puddles, they push their boundaries to test where the limit is before they are punished, forget the fact kids love sweets and chocolate too, it's so clearly brain washing by cartoon. When I was younger I used to watch television shows such as Rainbow which was so full of innuendo you'd have expected me to have become some sort of sexual deviant freak. Grange Hill, where one character was a Heroin addict, so I followed that path too. I even watched Mallet's Mallet, and shock horror I have never felt the urge to stove children's heads in with a hammer.

Of course television and video games CAN influence children, but as parents or siblings of youngsters surely it is our responsibility to guide them in the right direction and educate them on the fact that a cartoon is for fun not the bible to a happy life. If Katie had told me that she wasn't eating her vegetables when they were cooked for her dinner I wouldn't have let her leave the table until she understood that they were good for her and will help her grow up big and strong.

If kids see something you deem to be inappropriate then might I suggest you stop your child from watching such offensive material (because a cartoon bacon sandwich filling is totally going to lead your youngsters astray)

I read these comments in the national media today and I formed a fairly fast opinion of the type of person that wrote them.

"A day after watching that episode, my wouldn't eat his cucumber and tomatoes."
and
"Shall I ban Peppa Pig, or is that being totally unreasonable?"
and
"A day after watching that episode, my wouldn't eat his cucumber and tomatoes."
or maybe

"The more I see, the more alarmed I am by the choice of behaviour put into this 'cartoon'," wrote one mother on parenting website Mumsnet. "George Pig, who my son loves, says 'Yuck' at vegetables and only wants to eat chocolate cake.

Here's my suggestion to you, take a year out of your career and your rigid timetable that doesn't allow for children to spend time being children. Let them jump in puddles, let them eat chocolate cake and for the love of god let them enjoy their life learning experience while they can, because in what will seem like no time they will be at university studying for a high pressured career, and they will follow your example of shackling a child's imaginative mind. Don't let it happen!

So step away from the copy of good parenting, put down mother and baby magazine, grab your welly boots and your child's too. Go for a walk in the forest, or even down the street, let them splash themselves silly, and I guarantee you one thing, you'll see a smile broader than you've ever seen, hear a laugh that makes your heart melt and make your child's day.

Big love,

Dave.