KFC haven't got my order wrong for WEEKS, and so you know why? Because I fucking REFUSED to go!
End of niceties.
First of all the fuckers tried to give me a medium drink, well that's not an option really is it pal? I drive up to the payment window looking like donkey kong on a kid's gokart, I'm taller than the dude on the headset whilst sat in my car AND he's standing on a fucking raised platform! I imagine I weigh more than his entire family (seen more meat on a vegan's shopping list) and he probably heard my stomach rumbling before I left the house.
I place my order, being very careful to enunciate my words:
Me "Greetings and salutations! Please may I order a fillet box meal with GRAVY, yes that's correct G-R-A-V-Y. May I also please have a boneless banquet meal, also with G-R-A-V-Y, thank you good Sir, have a splendid evening".
I drove to the window, paid and asked for a receipt (please refer to exhibit A, a slightly creased list of culinary delights)
Success! It clearly said GRAVY on the receipt, I was that euphoric I was like a dog with two dicks! But then the game of deaf, dumb and blind Chinese whispers began.
Employee 1: This man ordered 2 pots of gravy
Employee 2: You work on a boat in the Navy
Employee 3: I watched love island last night and the picture was wavy
Employee 4: I hunt wearing jeans
And then we got to the final chapter of our verbal pass the fucking parcel where employee 5 said "This cunt is getting beans".
Beans, beans good for the heart, the more you eat the more you f............ucking realise they taste NOTHING like fucking GRAVY! They don't look, smell or fucking taste similar, in fact they are so far apart I'm pretty sure Stevie Wonder could tell the difference.
How fucking difficult is it to distinguish gravy from beans? It's like mixing up a fleshlight (look it up) for a fucking strimmer! They are COMPLETELY fucking different.
Tomorrow I'll go to war with their customer services, they will offer me vouchers, I'll decline them because I'm pretty sure the barcode says 'extra spit on this order please' and we'll be back to square one because Kelly is like a fucking crack addict when it comes to that deep fried bullshit.
I will say that there are a couple of GREAT employees there, one of which is a family friend But he's never there when I get dispatched to that minging shitpit!
I'm becoming a vegan............ maybe.
